I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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