You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
