It's Friday. Sex?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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