I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
