I should be sponsored by Trojan
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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