I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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