We won't sleep together?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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