Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
