I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
