help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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