So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
