Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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