I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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