sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
