You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
