My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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