peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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