this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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