My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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