Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
