Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
