this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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