hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
