I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My feet surprised me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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