I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize