I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
