Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
