I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
