i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Man, jail baloney is awful.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
