i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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