i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
