You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
