If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
