Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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