1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
