Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
