watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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