My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
