My liver just broke up with me...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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