We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
