I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
