I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
