the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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