She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
