i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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