I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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