i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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