everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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