the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize