I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize