What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
