I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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