Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
