i think i have two assholes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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