Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
