Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
