i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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