Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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