walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
