This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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