I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
