Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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