I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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