Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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