I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
