when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
