On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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