Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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