He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
