he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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