I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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