big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
