3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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