Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
