I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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