So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize