you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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