@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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