All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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