we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
